Contributing Writer – Jason Mayo
From my late teens to my late 30s, I clung to the idea that to be a real writer, you had to be a tortured soul. And for me, that meant drinking. A lot. I had this romanticized image of what it meant to be creative—Bukowski with a beer in one hand and a shot in the other, Hemingway nodding out at his typewriter between whiskey shots. Never mind that they both drank themselves to death. I was convinced my best writing came from a place of self-pity and half-drunken inspiration, where everything felt profound, deep, important. And honestly, I think the writing was pretty fucking good. I wrote some of my best stuff back then—but it wasn’t really me.
I wasn’t creating from an authentic place. I was writing for the version of myself I wanted people to see edgy, reckless, tortured. I bought into the myth that chaos fuels creativity, and I wanted everyone to believe it. But it wasn’t sustainable. When I got sober, almost 15 years ago, the urge to write disappeared. I felt ashamed. I felt like a fraud. The whole process felt too tied up with who I was when I was drinking, and once that was gone, I didn’t know how to start again. I didn’t feel like I was capable or even worthy enough to share anything meaningful with anyone.
It took me a long time—years, actually—to even think about writing again. It wasn’t that sobriety killed my creativity; it was more like I had to rediscover who I really was before I could create anything real. The person I used to write about wasn’t me anymore—he was an idea, a projection, a version of myself I crafted to fit some misinformed, romanticized notion of what a writer should be. But he wasn’t who I actually was.
In the last year and a half, something shifted. I started feeling the pull to write again, but this time, it’s not about trying to live up to something or spewing out some stupid half version of myself. It’s about telling the truth—my truth. It’s about sharing my experiences and writing about what moves me. Sobriety gifted me a clearer sense of who I really am. Now, when I write, it’s not about trying to impress anyone or fit into some mold. It’s about passion, inspiration, and the work I do every day in recovery. It feels purposeful and important. It feels honest.
I’m not hiding behind a persona anymore, and that’s a pretty powerful thing. The inspiration comes from living a life that’s real and grounded, from helping others find their way out of the dark places I once lived in. Sobriety stripped away the need to perform, and in its place, it left something far more valuable: the freedom to just be myself.
Looking back, I can appreciate what I wrote in those years of drinking. Maybe I was too hard on myself. But I don’t need to go back to that place to write something meaningful. Sobriety didn’t take away my creativity; it helped me find my real voice. And as it turns out, that’s the voice I needed to hear.
Jason Mayo is the creator and founder of Sober Not Subtle. He is a certified recovery peer advocate at THRIVE Recovery Community and Outreach Center in New York. Jason currently holds the position of Community Outreach Coordinator of the THRIVE Everywhere Program – a community-based recovery supports program that offers free, non-clinical activities, workshops, and events.
Before working in recovery, Jason was owner and executive producer of award winning visual effects and animation companies in NYC.
He currently writes for The Sober Curator, has been a contributing writer for the Forbes Business Council, creator of the popular Dad blog Out-Numbered, and author of the children’s books, “Do Witches Make Fishes?” and “The Boy and the Billy Goat.”
Jason is passionate about advocating for people living with substance use disorder and mental health issues. His goal is to use humor, creativity, and lived experience to make a positive impact on the world.
Jason has been sober since March 25th, 2010.
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