Contributing Writer – Jason Mayo
We’re all the sum of our experiences—the joy, the pain, and even the moments we wish we could erase. It’s easy to want to shut the door on the darkest times, but the truth is that those are the chapters that build our resilience. There’s a phrase I always come back to: “if it hurts, it helps.” It’s a reminder that growth comes from the toughest battles, aka the messed up shit. Pain isn’t something to avoid; it’s something that can shape us into people who have so much to offer.
There’s a passage in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous that resonates deeply with this idea: “We will neither regret the past nor shut the door on it.” That line captures what it means to live without shame for the struggles we’ve faced. Instead of feeling haunted by the past, we can learn to embrace it as part of our story. These experiences don’t just disappear; they become the tools we carry with us to help others who might be struggling. It’s about taking something painful and turning it into a light for someone else.
Think about it—when you’re in the midst of a hard time, it’s easy to feel isolated, to wonder if anyone else has ever felt the same way. But by being open about our past, we can remind others they’re not alone. When we share our stories, especially the difficult ones, we connect on a level that’s real and vulnerable. Those stories can be the very thing someone else needs to hear to find the courage to keep going. Sometimes, all it takes is knowing someone else has been there too.
When I’m going through something challenging, I try to remind myself: this won’t last forever. Someday, this experience will be something I can look back on, a lesson I can pass along to someone else. Hardships can suck, but they give us empathy and understanding. They give us a way to reach out to others, to say, “I’ve been where you are, and there’s a way through.”
There’s strength in sharing the whole story—scars and all. It’s easy to feel like you have to hide the messy parts, to show only the polished version of yourself. But real connection happens when we’re willing to be vulnerable, when we show up as our full, unfiltered selves. That authenticity is what helps people feel safe enough to open up about their own struggles. And that’s when healing can happen, for both you and the person you’re sharing with.
When I look back on my journey, I don’t regret a single chapter of it. Not the toughest days, not the times I fell flat on my face, and not even the moments I wish I could have done differently. Every experience, every failure, has led me to where I am today. I wouldn’t change a thing, because it’s all shaped me into someone who understands, someone who has something real to offer. In sobriety, it all feels like it was worth it. My old sponsor always told me, “You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be, kid.” Even though it didn’t feel like it then, he was right.
Today, I’m grateful for the chance to share my story, not because it’s perfect but because it’s real and because it’s mine. And in a world where so many people feel alone in their pain, real is what matters. Every story of struggle, every moment of overcoming, becomes something we can offer to others. It’s about showing up for each other and letting people know they’re not alone, no matter how hard things get.
So, if you’re in a dark place right now, remember: this chapter isn’t the end. It’s another part of your story, a story that will make you stronger and give you something valuable to share. The pain will pass, and when it does, you’ll have hard-earned wisdom that can’t be taught. You’ll be able to offer someone else the hope that got you through, becoming a source of strength for others on their journey.
In this life, we’re all works in progress. Our past isn’t a weight holding us back; it’s fuel pushing us forward. And as we move forward, we carry our stories with us, not as burdens but as testaments to how far we’ve come. There’s strength in every scar, and purpose in every hardship.
Jason Mayo is the creator and founder of Sober Not Subtle. He is a certified recovery peer advocate at THRIVE Recovery Community and Outreach Center in New York. Jason currently holds the position of Community Outreach Coordinator of the THRIVE Everywhere Program – a community-based recovery supports program that offers free, non-clinical activities, workshops, and events.
Before working in recovery, Jason was owner and executive producer of award winning visual effects and animation companies in NYC.
He currently writes for The Sober Curator, has been a contributing writer for the Forbes Business Council, creator of the popular Dad blog Out-Numbered, and author of the children’s books, “Do Witches Make Fishes?” and “The Boy and the Billy Goat.”
Jason is passionate about advocating for people living with substance use disorder and mental health issues. His goal is to use humor, creativity, and lived experience to make a positive impact on the world.
Jason has been sober since March 25th, 2010.
Leave a Reply