Guest Contributor – Larry Lamendola
Lisa, my dear daughter, I miss you every day…
The overall sadness can be hard to overcome sometimes. Lisa had her standing 9:30AM outpatient appointment. It was a little before 9 and I was sitting on the couch in the living room writing a wedding card, my wife Eileen and I were invited to a wedding the next day. I looked up at the clock and it was 9:06AM. I called out Lisa’s name several times. I went to her door and I and yelled it out again. There was no response. I opened her door. I saw Lisa’s left arm almost clinging to the front post of the bed with one arm, and on one knee. I felt her bare right arm and it was cold. She was gone. It was September 19, 2019 Lisa died of a fentanyl laced heroin overdose.
It was days earlier that Lisa’s sister who said we have to celebrate Lisa’s 25th birthday. Lisa reluctantly agreed but she didn’t want to celebrate on her actual birthday. She had other plans on September 14th. Lisa wanted to drive with her friend Roxy who was in recovery and her boyfriend to “Stepping Stones” in Katonah, N.Y. This is the historical home of Bill Wilson, the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous with his wife, Lois the co founder of Al-Anon and Alateen. She had a wonderful experience and returned and we had a great family birthday celebration that Sunday September 15th.
How did this all begin? We mask our pain in many ways. Lisa suffered from scoliosis. Yes, I have a milder version of it and my dad was diagnosed with it too and he always battled back pain. My wife Eileen and I went from doctor to doctor getting many opinions. By the time Lisa was 12 she wore a back brace but she soldiered on. She was emphatic about not getting surgery.
In late August 2017 shortly before Lisa’s 23rd birthday she came to us asking for help with her substance use. Lisa used OxyContin then later became addicted to heroin. We were able to get Lisa into the first of six trips to rehab. Lisa did her best to embrace the 12 step program. Eileen and I attended Naranon meetings too.
The starts and stops continued through 2018. We were all on a sort of journey with Lisa. The good and the bad. The bad involved tears. I recall Lisa totally frustrated with it all standing before us crying, “I don’t want to be a heroin addict anymore.” The bad also was the appearance of a bag of heroin being thrown on our lawn, alerted by our neighbors. We said Lisa you’ve got to get back to rehab. Then there was the evening that she came out of the bathroom with her hand swelled up due to not injecting herself into a vein. We drove her to the ER and then, the next day off to another rehab.
Here’s some of the good and hope, and an excerpt of a card she sent from rehab prior to Christmas 2018: “Dear Daddy, You seriously are the best dad in the world. Thank you so much for putting up with all of the BS I have put you and Mommy through. I wish I didn’t have this addiction. I am going to do my very best to beat this disease. I love you both so very much! “
When Lisa came back from the rehab she was working a job for a family owned business on the north shore of Long Island. Eileen and I were wary about letting Lisa drive. We both took turns driving her to work. We each separately had great conversations with her and really got to know our daughter a lot better.
My life is now dedicated in retirement to trying to make a difference. I was already a member of my local Wantagh Lions Club helping people in need. I joined the Levittown Community Action Coalition. I am a steering committee member and the co-chair of the coalition. The coalition aims to provide a safe healthy and secure community for children and adults, with the goal of reducing untimely deaths and fewer lives are affected by substance use disorder.
I find myself attending press conferences, speaking out for change, advocating for those in recovery, traveling to the seat of government in Albany and Washington DC. Change so that there will be no more tragic endings for loved ones to witness. Lisa is with me and guiding me each day trying to do some good. She is indeed the wind beneath my wings.
Larry Lamendola is the First Vice President of the Wantagh Lions Club and the Co-Chair of the Levittown Community Action Coalition.
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