Contributing Writer – Jason Mayo
The Dream
It always starts the same. I’m walking into CVS, picking up something for my wife or daughters—completely normal dad stuff. Then I wander down the cold medicine aisle, and there it is: NyQuil. I spot the Benadryl nearby. My mind starts spinning. Maybe I could grab both. Nobody would think anything of it, right?
Next thing I know, I’ve bought them. I’m hiding them in my car, sneaking around like a kid caught smoking behind the school. Then, I’m doing shots of NyQuil, snorting lines of Benadryl, and wondering how the hell I got here.
Then I wake up.
For a moment, I’m frozen in terror. My chest tightens as the shame and guilt flood in. I drank. I used. I have to start over. The thought of telling my wife, my kids, and everyone I love that I messed up—it’s unbearable.
And then it hits me. It wasn’t real. It was just a dream. Relief washes over me like a tidal wave, leaving behind gratitude so fierce it almost feels spiritual.
My First Drunk Dream
The first time it happened, I was early in my sobriety. It shook me to my core. I thought it was a sign that my sobriety wasn’t as solid as I believed, like some kind of premonition that I was doomed to fail. I shared about it at a meeting, feeling raw and uneasy.
After the meeting, this older guy came up to me, leaned in, and said, “Hey kid. Remember, only sober people have drunk dreams. You’re good.”
That one sentence shifted everything for me. He was right. Drunk dreams don’t mean I’m failing—they mean I’m sober. It’s impossible to dream about relapse if you haven’t put in the work to get sober in the first place.
Why NyQuil?
NyQuil and I have history. When I was drinking, I didn’t use it as cold medicine. I drank it to knock myself out before bed. I loved the taste—probably because it reminded me of sambuca. (Yes, I was that guy.) I even drank NyQuil and did lines of coke one night in college because the bars were closed. Classy, right?
Benadryl? Same story. When I was out of painkillers, I’d pop Benadryl just to escape myself. Hell, I even stole my wife’s migraine medicine just to numb the stress, anxiety, or—let’s be honest—anything at all.
So yeah, I don’t mess with NyQuil or Benadryl in sobriety. Not for colds, not for allergies, not for anything.
The Emotional Hangover
Drunk dreams aren’t just bizarre—they’re emotional landmines. You wake up with this overwhelming sense of failure, like you’ve betrayed everyone who matters to you. It’s a full-body hangover without the alcohol. But once you realize it was just a dream, there’s a lesson waiting in the wreckage.
For me, drunk dreams are reminders of two undeniable truths:
1. I am, without a doubt, an alcoholic and an addict.
2. I am so damn grateful to be sober.
Why We Hate Them, but Maybe Need Them
Here’s the thing about drunk dreams: They suck, but they’re also kind of a gift. They remind me of how bad it was—the sneaking, the shame, the constant spiral of trying to escape myself. They show me exactly where I’d end up if I ever let my guard down. And they give me a moment of profound gratitude for the life I have now.
Drunk dreams don’t happen as often anymore, but when they do, they still hit me like a ton of bricks. They’re just as vivid, just as powerful. But now, I know they’re not a sign of weakness or failure. They’re just my subconscious throwing a Hail Mary, a quick reminder to stay the course.
A Wake-Up Call (Literally)
Drunk dreams are surreal little postcards from a past life, ones that show up just when I need them most. They remind me that I never want to go back there and that staying sober, no matter what, is the greatest gift I’ve ever given myself.
So, to my fellow sober warriors: If you wake up from one of these dreams in a cold sweat, heart pounding, and full of shame, just remember—it wasn’t real. But your gratitude is. And that’s more than enough to keep moving forward.
Jason Mayo is the creator and founder of Sober Not Subtle. He is a certified recovery peer advocate at THRIVE Recovery Community and Outreach Center in New York. Jason currently holds the position of Community Outreach Coordinator of the THRIVE Everywhere Program – a community-based recovery supports program that offers free, non-clinical activities, workshops, and events.
Before working in recovery, Jason was owner and executive producer of award winning visual effects and animation companies in NYC.
He currently writes for The Sober Curator, has been a contributing writer for the Forbes Business Council, creator of the popular Dad blog Out-Numbered, and author of the children’s books, “Do Witches Make Fishes?” and “The Boy and the Billy Goat.”
Jason is passionate about advocating for people living with substance use disorder and mental health issues. His goal is to use humor, creativity, and lived experience to make a positive impact on the world.
Jason has been sober since March 25th, 2010.
Leave a Reply