Guest Contributor – Thomas Day
Introduction: A Story of Hope
My name is Thomas Day III, and I am writing to share my story with you and anyone who needs to hear that WE DO RECOVER—and that every dream is possible if we put our heart and mind to it.
Surviving Addiction and Trauma
I am 40 years old, from Philadelphia, and I just celebrated six years of continuous sobriety after living a stressful, chaotic life filled with alcohol and drugs while working in nightlife. I was also in an abusive relationship, where I was made to feel as though everything was my fault.
On top of that, I survived multiple life-or-death situations, including being stabbed and pistol-whipped on the streets. My life was spiraling, and I didn’t see a way out—until I got sober.
Finding Myself Through Sobriety
Eight months into my recovery journey, I made a life-changing decision: I left the country to become an International Yacht Chef, traveling throughout the Caribbean and the Bahamas for nearly five years.
During this time, I also entered a long-distance relationship, but my focus on my career led me to neglect it. I struggled with processing my emotions while sober, especially being so far from my family and friends.
When the relationship ended, it was only days after I lost my 10-year-old dog—the one constant companion who had stood by my side through my darkest days. Losing both at once left me feeling completely lost.
Healing Through Travel, Meditation, and Spiritual Growth
With nothing holding me back, I returned to yachting and disconnected from family and friends for six straight months. During this time, I embarked on a self-healing journey, incorporating meditation and breathing techniques. I surrendered to Mother Nature as my higher power, opening myself to parts of my soul I never knew existed.
I took solo trips beyond where my career had taken me, including a week-long men’s retreat in the Catskill Mountains. This experience deepened my spiritual journey, and after much self-reflection, I made the decision to partake in Ayahuasca. It took months of mental and emotional preparation to ensure I could experience this without compromising my sobriety.
This transformative experience helped me face the dark personas I had created in my youth—the ones I used to fit in and feel accepted.
Breaking Out of My Comfort Zone
Shortly after the retreat, I challenged myself again by attending a sober gay men’s conference in NYC with nearly 500 attendees. I knew no one, and I had always hated large crowds, but pushing through my fears was one of the best decisions of my recovery.
That weekend, I met incredible people who have since become my chosen family. The experience was so powerful that I joined the NYC Pride Parade, surrounded by millions of cheering people—a moment of pure joy and affirmation.
Becoming a Leader in the Sober LGBTQ+ Community
My journey with the Gay & Sober non-profit didn’t stop there. I was so inspired that I joined the team as an area delegate and was later promoted to registration chair. Last year, after overseeing the registration department for our conference, I was honored with another promotion—overall conference chair.
This organization provides vital resources for LGBTQ+ individuals seeking sobriety and hosts an annual conference for over 500 fellows from around the world. The experience is unlike any other, and I am grateful to be a part of it.
Becoming a Father—Something I Never Dreamed Possible
My sober and spiritual journey has taken me places I never imagined possible. Not only did I find this incredible community, but I also found the love of my life. Recently, my partner and I became foster parents to his niece and nephew, and there is a strong possibility that we will adopt them by the end of the year.
I can say with certainty that if I weren’t sober—if I hadn’t faced my struggles and embraced both the highs and lows—I wouldn’t be called a father today. And I definitely wouldn’t be writing this with gratitude and a desire to share my story to inspire others.
Final Thoughts: Anything is Possible in Recovery
My journey has shown me that recovery is more than just getting sober—it’s about rediscovering who we truly are and embracing all the possibilities that come with it.
If my story can inspire just one person to believe in themselves, to hold onto hope, and to take that first step toward change, then sharing it is more than worth it.
We do recover. And we can build the lives we never thought possible.
Recently hitting 6 years sober, Thomas resides in Philadelphia with his loving partner and two foster kids. He is a private chef with almost 25 years in the hospitality industry. Being on his 6th chance at life, he wouldn’t change any hurdle or dead end that he faced, for all the mistakes were other opportunities to become a better and stronger man. “Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway.”
If anyone has any questions or is interested in attending the NYC Pride Conference you can contact Thomas at Chair@gayandsober.org
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