Guest Contributor – Larry Lamendola
I previously contributed an article to Sober Not Subtle about my daughter Lisa on December 3rd. Lisa died from a fentanyl-laced heroin overdose on September 19, 2019.
Lisa left behind a trove of letters, diaries, notes from recovery, etc. One particular letter, discovered recently, felt poignant and worthy of sharing. Before I discuss the letter, I think it’s important to speak about Naltrexone, or its brand name Vivitrol. Simply stated, it is a blocker to the receptor in one’s brain that ceases cravings for opioids. It can also be used for the treatment of alcohol dependency. One needs to be free from opioids or alcohol before Vivitrol can be administered. At the time, Lisa had completed her last trip to rehab in July 2019 and received an injection of Vivitrol at the completion of the rehab. We were informed that the dosage needed to be administered roughly every 30 days. An individual cannot be using opioids or alcohol when on Vivitrol.
The letter penned to my wife, Eileen, and I was undated, but I suspect it was written in late August or early September 2019. Lisa’s writings were emotional and unfiltered. Lisa was passionate and considerate to the core. Even during the fight for her own existence, she didn’t want to disappoint her mom and dad. As people who do not live in the brain of someone who uses, we must realize it is NOT easy at all to break free from the bonds of substance use.
Lisa told us in the letter that she did not receive her scheduled Vivitrol shot.
She morphed into quotes like:
- “I feel like every day is a constant act to make sure everyone is okay and happy.”
- “Please, I beg of you, please do not yell at me and say, ‘How did you do this again?’”
- “Why can’t you stay sober long enough to get the shot?”
- “Please remember this is NOT fun for me.”
- “I hate my life.”
- “I love you guys so much, please try to understand.”
Lisa, if you were here, I would say no, we were beyond yelling at you. We educated ourselves the best we could to understand what you were going through. You were probably thinking of earlier confrontations with us. Lisa, I miss you every day, and I wish you were alive and with us today. I am truly sorry for not knowing what you were going through at first, and for that, I apologize.
Larry Lamendola is the First Vice President of the Wantagh Lions Club and the Co-Chair of the Levittown Community Action Coalition.
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