On A Mission From God

Guest Contributor – Kevin Paull

It was a Friday morning. I had woken up a few hours ago. I had made a cup of coffee, and I had finished my morning prayers. I was relaxed and looking forward to whatever day He had planned for me. Little did I know.

My phone rang at 8:05 a.m. It was one of my sponsees who lives in Texas. And I sensed immediately that something was very wrong. This sponsee has called me every morning at 8:30 a.m. for the 27 months I’ve worked with him. And we have developed a very close friendship over that time. He doesn’t call at 8:29, nor at 8:31—but at 8:30 a.m. on the dot daily. Today was very different.

I answered his call with some trepidation. He was a mess! He called to inform me that his wife (42 years old) had died in her sleep.

He had gotten up to use the bathroom, and when he returned and got back into bed, he put his arm around her, and he felt that she was already cold. Understandably, he was a wreck and couldn’t stop crying. And as days like these go, he had many other calls yet to make to family. But he wanted to phone me to let me know what had happened. And he said to me, “I have no desire to drink. And that drinking wasn’t even a thought.” This program works if you work it.

The Call to Go

Right after we hung up, I heard a voice in my head say, “Go to Texas!”

I’ve been in AA long enough to know to call other people before I make any decisions. So I did. And everyone I spoke to said the same thing: Go to Texas! So, listening to my Higher Power and other voices of reason, I packed the truck for a trip and left on this journey early Saturday morning. It took 2 ½ days to get from Long Island, NY, to the Dallas area. It was the end of February, and unexpected storms can make a drive through this part of the country very hazardous. The weather remained perfect, and the roads remained dry.

I arrived in Texas. While driving, I made a reservation at a hotel close to his home. I checked in, and the accommodations were OK even though it was more than I wanted to spend. After dropping off my luggage, I left for my sponsee’s home 15 minutes away. I planned to stay in Texas to offer my support for four days. During these four days, there were some extremely low lows as well as some very high highs. I got to be there with a sponsee I had only met in person for the first time a year prior. I got to meet his son.

Showing Up

I got to meet his mother and his wife’s family and also friends of both of theirs. And I immediately felt like family. Everyone knew who I was and the role I played in my sponsee’s life. I was invited to a very private funeral/memorial, and there wasn’t a dry eye in the viewing room. Later that evening, when I left his home to return to the hotel, I mistakenly put the wrong address in my GPS. It brought me to another hotel in the same chain that was nicer and less expensive.

I made a reservation there for the next few nights and returned to the hotel where my luggage was for the remainder of that evening. As we say in AA, “Wherever you end up is exactly where you’re supposed to be.” Thank you, HP.

I also had the opportunity while there to plan a dinner out for my group of sponsees. Thanks to Zoom, I’ve attended a meeting daily since COVID, based in Texas. I’ve accumulated six sponsees in the Big Star state. What a fun event that was. I again got to see them in person, and they had the opportunity to meet their other family tree members. And we all exchanged hugs and enjoyed a meal.

Another Loss, Another Trip

Mid-morning the next day, a sponsee who I saw the previous night called me. He was badly shaken up. We both attend another Zoom meeting that has members in Colorado. Also, my sponsor who lives in Colorado attends that meeting with us. He informed me that my sponsor’s son Tom, 42 years old, died suddenly last night. We hung up, and I called my sponsor. We talked, and we cried.

I realized that God had a plan all along and put me in Texas, so I’d only be a 16-hour drive away from Colorado. So the next day, I left Texas to be with my sponsor in the Centennial State. But before leaving Texas, I had the chance to have lunch with my sister (who lives down there and attends that Texas Zoom meeting) and two other AA friends.

I arrived in the great state of Colorado at my sponsor’s home, and we hugged and cried some more. I planned to spend five days out there with her. I again had the opportunity to meet people from the Colorado Zoom meeting in person. I met her other adult children and their families and also her friends. And again, I immediately felt like family. Here as well, there were many low lows but so many high highs.

Listening and Letting Go

The day before I was to leave, the weather forecast turned bleak. Major storm coming from California and moving east quickly, and it would envelope 70 to 80% of the country. I heard that voice again in my head. This time, my HP said Leave Now! The hotel very nicely returned the final night’s payment to me even though it was purchased as non-refundable. They knew about the incoming storm and worked with me. “Be safe” was all they said. My Higher Power kept me a day ahead of the storm for the entire drive home.

I remember thinking on my drive back to NY that, years ago, I probably would have also said yes, I’m coming down. And for the entire drive, I would have questioned myself: Why are you doing this? It’s so far out of the way. Why did I say yes? And I probably would have found no joy in any part of that journey. But here’s the miracle! It’s no longer about me. Today, it’s about being there for others. And because of this new attitude, I deep down relished every aspect and moment of this trip. I have nothing but gratitude!

When I got home, a friend from my live AA home group said to me, “You were living in the St. Francis Prayer. This trip was all about 11th step work—praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.” Wow. I didn’t see it that way. I thought I was just doing what I was taught in AA. The next right thing!

My Higher Power made all this possible.

I was on a mission from God.