Guest Contributor – Millie Sena

Before writing this talk on goals, I prayed for a clear vision of the purpose of this talk for your benefit. I asked God to reveal to me what it is he wants you, the reader, to take away from my thoughts based on my experience, strength, and hope.

Imagine a small boat on a pond. Now imagine a girl in that boat. She is a very small and insignificant girl. She is alone and trapped in a canoe in the middle of the pond. She has no understanding of how to navigate the canoe and even less so how to move in the water. The canoe does not have a navigation system. There are no oars with which to propel the canoe. The girl is stuck. She cannot move in any direction. The canoe just sits still in the middle of the pond, immobile.

The girl is desperate to get off the small confining canoe. The air around her is stagnant and the environment is stifling. There are things that touch her in the night and confuse her. She must play dead so that the night crawler will go away and let her be.

She is curious to explore what is beyond the pond. She longs to be in a different place, a different world. But how? She does not know how to swim because she was never taught. She never received instruction or advice of any kind on how to navigate the waters. All she ever experienced were warnings to be seen and not heard.

She must take a leap of faith and jump into the water, for she longs to know what is past the edges of the small pond. She will have to tread the murky waters to get to shore.

That small, dumb, shameful, and insignificant girl was me.

This was how I perceived my life because I felt alone and unsupported. I was unmoored and adrift.

Unmoored and Adrift

Growing up, I had no plans and no direction. I operated on pure instinct and self-will. I had no set goals. But I knew what I did not want for myself. I did not want to be alone, I did not want to be judged, and I did not want to be controlled.

The closest I ever came to setting a long-term goal for myself was when I decided to go to college and had the ambition of being a social worker. Unfortunately, I had no set plans. I wandered aimlessly and had no discipline. I was defiant and non-compliant. I focused on adventure, fun, and relationships instead of my academics. I did manage to graduate with a degree in Liberal Arts.

I went on to get married and had three kids. Finally, I was anchored down. Life was as I dreamed it should be. I felt that I had arrived. Upon meeting my husband’s middle-class parents, I was amazed that they actually had a liquor cabinet filled with liquor. Alcohol flowed freely — too freely.

This is where I spiraled down the rabbit hole of alcoholism for 20 years. Alcohol made me unpredictable and unreliable. It fractured relationships and caused my children and family pain. Recognizing the harm and destruction that I was causing my family, I decided to attend Alcoholics Anonymous.

Sadly, my one-year attendance in AA did not prevent my 24-year-old son from succumbing to liver failure due to his own struggles with alcohol.

Recovery, Fellowship, and Purpose

The next turning point in my life was recovery through fellowship after a six-year absence from AA due to alcohol abuse, grief, and depression. I can now testify that self-centeredness is our greatest limitation and leads to frustration and restlessness.

AA required that I get a sponsor and follow the 12 steps of the program. These steps required me to do the rigorous work of self-reflection. I had to admit my powerlessness over alcohol and make a fearless moral inventory of myself and take responsibility for my attitudes and actions. I realized that by relying on a higher power, I no longer needed to depend on my own self-will or my ego. The more I gave up my power, the more peace I got. Depending on my higher power has given me a sense of peace and freedom.

In recovery, I recognized that I need to have objectives and purpose. On page 49 of the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book, it is observed that “spiritually minded people of all faiths, races, and colors demonstrated a degree of stability, happiness, and usefulness.” These words were eye-opening for me. AA connected my mind to my soul.

Choices determine the outcome of your life. Our lives are shaped by our choices and the goals we set for ourselves.

Goals as Transformation

Whether long- or short-term, I had to plan, make choices, and seek guidance. I needed to prioritize my long-term goal of personal growth. I learned that goals cause positive change and personal transformation. They changed my perception and changed my attitudes.

For example, I chose to want to be more spiritual, which caused me to view life with absolute gratitude. To wake up every day and look for something to be grateful for — this became my daily and immediate goal.

Having goals helped me to define myself and my purpose. I was motivated into action, and I hope to lead an honorable life.

Goals helped to build my character. My goal of reaching a higher level of spirituality has helped me think about more than just my recovery. I have broadened my interest in service: “Do good work and let your light shine before others so that they may see your good works.” — Matthew 5:16.

Who we are at this moment is determined by the choices we have made up to this point.

Staying in the Day

I no longer wish to be self-centered, because it was my greatest limitation. I made a choice to enter into recovery, and I reached my ultimate goal of sobriety there. Now I have a lifetime goal of what I want to be in the future, and I know how to get there.

It is imperative that I define my purpose in life — and for me, that purpose is my spirituality and listening to my higher power. Today, I set my priorities to stay in the day. To invest in my personal growth. I want to see differently, to look upward, outward, and to the needs of others. I aspire to contentment — to know that I have everything I need, to be satisfied with all that I am, and to use my resources for the better.

Author Melody Beattie said, “Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

A Radical Change in Perception

We all need proper goals. We were created to align with our purpose for existence. I believe that with the help of my higher power, I can accomplish unimaginable goals — even the goal of having a happy, gratifying life.

“Today I am too positive to be doubtful, too optimistic to be fearful, and too determined to be defeated.” I now identify with II Corinthians 5:17: “My old, spiritual and moral condition has passed away; behold, the fresh and new has come.”

We are not here to sacrifice our joy for our life. We are here to live, to be happy, and to love. Not enjoying what is happening right now is living in the past and being only half alive. We need to convince ourselves to let go of the past since it cannot be changed, and that the future does not yet exist. All we have is now. It is this very moment in which you get to choose how to live. Now is all we have.

I invite you to a radical change in perception and transformation — to feel reborn, hopeful, and free of fears and burdens. Your circumstances may be the same, but life improves because perception is clearer.

Toward the end of my life on earth, I do not want to look back in remorse and recall my failures and shortcomings — but as the apostle Paul said, “I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead.” — Philippians 3:13.

In the meantime, I will be storing up treasures for heaven by living my goals of love, joy, and kindness.