Contributing Writer – Briyenna Souter

Do we actually know how to give ourselves permission to grow, to change, to evolve, and to grieve the person we used to be?

Lately, I’ve been sitting with this strange but powerful feeling—almost like I’m grieving my old self. It’s a hard thing to put into words, but it feels real. Like I’m slowly letting go of an identity I once clung to, even if it was painful or messy, because that version of me still kept me alive when I needed her to. But now, she no longer fits. And instead of shame, there’s this mix of grief and gratitude.

Gratitude and Reflection

Sometimes I look around my home and I’m overwhelmed with thankfulness. I look at the life I’ve built and think, “Wow, this is everything I once dreamed of.” The peace, the stability, the love, the safety—it’s all here.

It wasn’t always this way. There were times I wanted to escape my own mind, my own story. And now, to be in this space—physically and emotionally—is something I don’t take lightly. I feel proud… but also, I feel reflective.

New Perspectives

Today is Labor Day, and like many families, we spent time together talking, reminiscing, and unpacking old memories. We ended up discussing some situations and people who, in many ways, shaped us, challenged us, and hurt us.

I found myself offering a different perspective—one I wouldn’t have had years ago. I defended them. Not because they were right or justified in their actions, but because I see them differently now. I see their pain. I see how unwell they were and maybe still are.

I’ve learned, through my own healing, that not everyone is ready to face themselves. Not everyone is in a place to be held accountable or to make amends. And maybe they never will be. But I can still choose compassion—not for them necessarily, but for the sake of my own peace. That doesn’t mean letting people walk all over me, but it does mean not needing to carry resentment forever. I can let it go without forgetting.

Growth and Compassion

Some of my family members look at me and ask, “What happened to our Bri?” Or they’ll say things like, “You used to hate those people.” And honestly, they’re right. I did. I was angry, hurt, reactive, and guarded. I didn’t have the tools to regulate or reflect. I was just surviving. Of course I hated—because hate was easier than feeling all the pain underneath.

But the truth is, I’ve changed. I’ve grown. And I’ve learned that we can’t meet people with compassion if we haven’t first done that for ourselves. My work in the recovery community has taught me how complex people are. No one is just their mistakes. People are made up of wounds, survival tactics, generational trauma, and unhealed parts. While that doesn’t excuse everything, it does explain a lot.

I know now that judging people based solely on their poor decision-making doesn’t tell the whole story. Sometimes, those decisions were the only way they knew how to survive at the time—just like mine were. Of course, that doesn’t mean enabling or excusing harmful behavior. Some people really do create their own chaos and refuse to grow from it. There’s a line, and boundaries still matter deeply.

But I don’t feel the need to judge them the way I used to. I’ve softened. Not in weakness, but in wisdom.

Honoring Change

And maybe that’s the grief I’m feeling—saying goodbye to that version of me who needed to be tough all the time, the version who protected me when I didn’t know any better. She did her job. She kept me safe. But now, I’m stepping into someone new. Someone softer, more grounded, more understanding—not just of others, but of myself too.

So maybe the real question is: can we let ourselves become who we’re meant to be, even when others still see us as who we were? Can we honor our growth, even when it makes people uncomfortable? Can we grieve the old version of ourselves with love instead of guilt?

I think the answer is yes. But it takes courage. And it takes trust that who we’re becoming is worth everything we had to leave behind.

Briyenna Souter is a peer advocate in recovery for nearly a year and a half, dedicated to supporting others on their healing journeys. With a keep passion for nature walks, meditation, yoga, and metaphysics, she brings a grounded and holistic approach to her work. Certified in three levels of Reiki, Briyenna is also a gifted psychic medium, a talent passed down through her lineage. She is committed to fostering healing, self-discovery, and meaningful connections in all aspects of life.