Founder | Contributing Writer – Jason Mayo
Anxiety is a Sneaky Bastard
Last week, I found myself struggling to breathe—not from exertion, but just sitting still. It happened at work, in the car, even while watching Baylen Out Loud with my daughter, which requires zero effort. That’s not normal for me. Neither is lying awake until 4 or 5 a.m., staring at the ceiling, waiting for sleep that never comes. I was running on empty, my heart was racing, and my body felt completely off. Something wasn’t right.
So, naturally, my brain jumped to the most logical conclusion: I’m having a heart attack. This is it. I’m about to be one of those stubborn fifty-something guys who refuses to go to the hospital and just keels over mid-conversation. The next thing you know, they’re talking about me at my funeral like, “He was a good guy, but wow, what an idiot.”
Instead of letting that be my legacy, I told my supervisor I was heading to urgent care. She looked at me like, “Why are you even still standing here?” It was a mix of concern and please don’t die at the office, we just got new carpeting.
I got to urgent care, explained my symptoms, and immediately got whisked away for an EKG. Blood pressure? High as usual. Heart? Beating like it’s supposed to. The doctor wasn’t convinced, though, and suggested a trip to the ER “just in case.” I told her I’d check with my wife first because, well, she’s in charge. Instead, I went home and played Fortnite, because that somehow felt like the right move.
The ‘Oh, Duh’ Moment
The next day at work, we had an all-staff meeting, and—get this—the topic was how to manage anxiety. The first slide? Symptoms of anxiety: trouble sleeping, fatigue, shortness of breath, rapid heart rate…
Holy. Shit.
I wasn’t dying. I was just anxious.
Somehow, it had never crossed my mind. I walked out of that meeting feeling like an idiot but also hugely relieved that my heart wasn’t a ticking time bomb. So I sat in my car, trying to figure out what was actually going on in my life. And wow—turns out, I had plenty of reasons to be feeling this way.
For starters, I’ve been doom-scrolling like it’s my part-time job. I don’t usually watch the news. I never argue on social media. I keep my distance from the chaos. But lately? The world feels like it’s unraveling, and I’ve been soaking it all in, one catastrophic headline at a time.
Then there’s work. I’ve had a recent role change, which is awesome, but it’s definitely more responsibility. Meanwhile, Sober Not Subtle has become another full-time gig—writing articles, curating recovery stories, and running social media. I love it, but I never stopped to consider that maybe, just maybe, I’ve taken on too much.
Oh, and let’s not forget the greatest hits:
• I haven’t been exercising since May.
• I’ve been eating like garbage, when I even remember to eat.
• I’ve been slacking on my 12-step meetings and haven’t been checking in as much with the people who call me on my bullshit.
• My stress relief (video games, music, streaming) has been on the back burner.
• Chronic knee and back pain that makes everything feel ten times harder.
And yet, I was standing around wondering why I felt like I was about to explode from the inside out. Honestly, I’m surprised I haven’t actually had the heart attack I was so worried about.
So Now What?
Now that I’ve finally acknowledged what’s going on, it’s time to do something about it. Not big, sweeping, unrealistic changes. Just small things.
1. Food first. I need to eat better and actually eat regularly. If I keep running on fumes, of course I’m going to feel like shit.
2. Move my body. I’m not saying it has to be Back / Bis, Chest / Tris, but even a stretch or a short bike session in the morning could make a difference.
3. Talk to my boss. The people I work with are incredibly understanding, but I need to let them know when I’m feeling overwhelmed instead of just powering through like a martyr.
4. Get outside. A short walk during the day. Just to reset. Fresh air, movement, a break from screens.
5. Ease up on Sober Not Subtle. It’s a site about mental health and recovery, and yet I’m letting it drive me crazy. Irony at its finest. The world isn’t waiting on my next post with bated breath. It’s okay to take a step back.
6. Game time. I can carve out a few hours a week to play some damn Fortnite. It may seem lame to my family but it’s not a crime.
7. Prioritize meetings. I once heard, “Schedule your day around your meeting, not your meeting around your day.” Lately, I’ve been treating them like an afterthought. That needs to change. Whatever I put ahead of my recovery, I’ll lose eventually. And I’m not willing to lose everything I’ve built.
8. Cut back on doom-scrolling. The news used to be a once-a-day thing. Now it’s a never-ending flood of disaster and despair. If I feel the need to stay informed, I’ll limit myself to 30 minutes a day—max.
And finally, the big one: I need to remind myself that I am not responsible for saving the world. My old sponsor used to say, “Focus on your immediate blast radius.” My family, my friends, my community—that’s where I can actually make a difference. The rest? Not my job.
If I were on a plane, I wouldn’t burst into the cockpit and insist on helping fly the damn thing. It’s the same with life. I’m just a passenger. I don’t have to control everything.
(Although, given the amount of video games I’ve played, I’d probably have a better shot at landing a plane than managing my anxiety. But hey, progress, not perfection.)
Jason Mayo is the creator and founder of Sober Not Subtle and the author of In Case of Emergency, Break Childhood: A Gen Xer’s Survival Guide to Anxiety, Addiction and Accidental Enlightenment. He is a certified recovery peer advocate at a Recovery Community and Outreach Center in New York.
Before working in recovery, Jason was owner and executive producer of award winning visual effects and animation companies in NYC.
He currently writes for The Sober Curator, has been a contributing writer for the Forbes Business Council, creator of the popular Dad blog Out-Numbered, and author of the children’s books, “Do Witches Make Fishes?” and “The Boy and the Billy Goat.”
The coolest thing that ever happened to him as a Dad Blogger was being named to the “25 Dads Who Rock” list published by Working Mother – keeping company with Barak Obama, Jay-Z, Will Smith, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Matthew McConaughey and Brad Pitt.
Jason is passionate about advocating for people living with substance use disorder and mental health issues. His goal is to use humor, creativity, and lived experience to make a positive impact on the world.
Jason has been sober since March 25th, 2010.
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